Are you fucking serious right now… I mean come on people!

Look at this fucking Gem of a human I found on the Internet ( shit did I write human because apparently this bitch is a vampire. Please read and drop a comment on how fucked this shit is . 

You can read the original question and answer as well as some ridiculous comments here

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Five ways to make auto racing more fun

  1. Don’t put out the fires and make it impossible to climb out of the cars in anything less than a minute.
  2. Place one car bomb under one lucky car every week.
  3. Replace the pace car with a U.S. military tank.  Allow the tank to circle the track firing mortar rounds at the driver’s windows.
  4. Pack one of the side retaining walls with mustard gas.
  5. Allow the pit crews to dress in opposing pit crew uniforms so they can sabotage vehicles and beat the shit out of opposing drivers.
  6. Did we say five? We meant six.  Any and all female drivers should be forced to remove all clothing before entering the vehicle. The vehicle that houses these naked speed whores must be a convertible.

Americas newest reality show a big hit

The newest reality show “American President 2016” is a record breaker.

So far the captains of the two tribes are Republican Tribe Captain Donald Trump and Democratic Tribe Captain Hillary Clinton.

Viewers have voted off several contestants so far this season. The concept of the show is to “vote” for who gets to be the American President for the next four years. Former contestant from the Republican Tribe Christopher Christie from New Jersey has formed a partnership with current tribe captain Donald Trump of New York . Another former contestant Benjamin Carson, a Doctor from Florida, has yet to decide who he pledged his support for. The top six contestants remaining are:

Republic Tribe:

*(C) Indicated current tribe Captain

(C) Donald Trump, a New York businessman

Marco Rubio, a Teenager from Florida

Ted Cruz, the only Canadian on the show

Johnathan Kasich from Ohio
Democratic Tribe:

(C) Hillary Clinton from Arkansas

Bernard Sanders from New York and Vermont.
The top six are now competing to whittle the field down to the top one contestant from each tribe who will then go head to head in a sudden death elimination round in November.

This shit happened today

We were out strolling around the Beantown and here’s what we saw

A 7’Asian lady playing the shit out of a violin.

Crime cleanup crews cleaning up after 7 people got shot.

2 homeless people looking for change

I also saw a little kid take a piss off the top of a parking garage and onto Harvard Square.

I also notice a lot of guys making out with other guys, it was gay I wish there was a word for that.

Scrotal Raphe still leaves scientists puzzled after millennia 

The Scrotal Raphe, more commonly known as the Mason Dixon line of the balls, has left scientists puzzled for millennia. Some suggest that it’s proof God does exist. Lead testicle scientist Robert Epididymitis said, “To me it’s quite obviously the spot that God sews the body up.” Noting that, “There is perfect stitch work involved when you look under the microscope at the ball sack.”

MOVIE REVIEW – SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS

Another oldie for you old movie renters.  I never saw this movie, but I’m pretty comfortable taking a stab at it anyway.  A pair of pants gets passed down, makes its travels around the country, picking up bits and pieces of women’s lives along the way.  The stories are retold through the pants, each blemish and rip signifying some incident or experience.  It’s a total chick flick and when men watch it, they can’t help but wonder when is a male going to make a movie about a pair of traveling briefs; whose stains, rips and skidmarks, similar to rings in a tree stump, signify the loves lost, broads banged, runny tacos eaten, and the assholes on the football team who considered it humorous to pull your undies over your head until your balls turned blue.

Four killed in freak accident

Cambridge Ma- Four people are dead after what first responders are calling a “freak accident.” The incident happened early yesterday when a bear riding a unicycle collided with a one armed men juggling chainsaws. Those killed included a bearded lady, a lobster boy, and 2 sets of Siamese twins.

A fun way to watch a movie

Ok, we all hate when someone ruins a movie, but sometimes you get dragged to a movie you’ve already seen and you’re bored as shit.  Here’s a fun way to spoil everyone else’s time with a catchy sing a long.    When the music rises to a crescendo to heighten a tense scene where the bad guy is going to jump out and strike in typical Hollywood predictable fashion, create a diddie to go along with it.  Sing out loud, “And he’s hiding in the closet, but he’ll jump out soon, jump out soon, jump out soon, cuz that’s what always happens!!!  And he’ll grab a knife and slicer her up, slice her up in the morning!!  I know this cuz I’ve seen in before, seen it before , seen it be…….fore and you haven’t!!  Then he gets away, goes and hides in the mountains, la la la la la.  He’ll wait it out, then come back down and kill some more, all the live long day oh!!   The the cops will come and arrest his ass, and place him in the jail… oooo.   But he’ll escape from there, and that is the end of the movieeee, cuz jail people are so stuuuupid!!  Dum dum dum, dum dum dum, jailers are frigging idiots.  Everybody come on, sing along!!”

New hate group forms

Ted Spameron from Natick has formed a highly successful hate group from the confines of his parents basement. H.A.T.E. Or Humans Against Tomato Eating, is a culinary hate group that protests the use of tomatoes in dishes, with two exceptions ketchup and spaghetti sauce. Speaking of the groups quick popularity Spameron said, “No one, and I mean no one actually likes tomatoes as a fruit, and only a few people like them as a vegetable so it was an easy sell.” When asked why he hates tomatoes he said, “I remember as a young child, my neighbor would give me fresh tomatoes out of his garden on blistering hot summer days, and then he would anally rape me.”