Tech talk: How to fix a fucking iPhone

Is your iPhone acting like a fucker? Apps locking up, battery not holding a fucking charge? Follow these fucking instructions and that piece of shit should be back to normal.

Apps not working, crashing, or won’t update:

If the fucking apps on the cock sucker are all fucked up then try this:

Delete the shitty app and reinstall the piece of shit. If this doesn’t work, try a quick reset on the fucking thing by pressing the home screen button (that little circle piece of shit on the bottom ) and the power bottom at the same time, hold them fucking things for like 10 seconds.

Make sure the iPhone is updated with the latest IOS, Apple likes to release these fucking updates like 10-15 times a week so deal with that too please.

If the above methods don’t work then consider one of the following:

Either throw the fucking thing away and call your insurance company and tell them a couple Mexicans stole it from your  fucking car, that way them fuckers will get you a new one.


Bring it to the Apple Store where some 14 year old “Genius” will make you feel like a big time cunt for bothering them with such a mundane question.