Subway pitchman Fogle beaten in prison

Disgraced former Subway pitchman Jared Fogle was left bloodied in a prison fight by a fellow inmate, reports surfaced Wednesday.

There are no reports as of yet whether Subway will use the photos of a beaten Fogle to advertise their new “Bloody Red Roast Beef Footlong.”  Subway is also rumored to be considering the inmate who beat Fogle to be the new spokesman for the Roundhouse Chop Sandwich or the Black Eyed Steak Sub.

The incident occurred when Steven J. Nigg, whose name is two letters short of being very offensive and whose middle initial stands for Jiggaboo, 60, wanted to draw attention to the number of prisoners at the minimum-security prison in Colorado who are serving sentences for sexually based offenses, his family said.  Despite yesterdays efforts, no one currently knows the number.

It was reported by TMZ that Nigg (again, we are using his name and mean no offense to African Americans)  attacked Fogle in a prison yard in late January and that Nigg (this is what it says on his birth certificate, swear unto the Lord)  “pushed Fogle down and then Nigg (it’s almost becoming a running joke here, but we have the documents to prove this) unloaded a barrage of punches to Fogle’s face.”  It is unclear from the photos whether or not the sexually deviant Fogle was able to achieve orgasm during the beating.

In a related story, Steven  J. Nigg is considering changing his name to Stephen C.  Unt.

 

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