FUN WAYS TO REALLY HURT YOURSELF

Drive to an area where a lot of children live and walk around the neighborhood dressed up in a giant penis costume.  Approach small kids and hand them your business cards, begging them to give you a call.

Another fun way to hurt yourself is to drink massive quantities of liquor and then do a sailors dive off the first balcony at a football stadium, making sure that you land on either of the teams metal benches where the players sit.  Shout racial epithets as you hurtle down towards the earth.

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