Argentinian Beach Goers Murder Dolphin

Last week a cabal of moronic beach bathers took a rare species of dolphin out of shallow water and began taking photos with it. The lunkheads then left the mammal on the sand and went back to lying on towels and allowing the sun to bake their brains even further into stupidity.  Marine biologist Harvey Blowhole commented to us from his offices at the Red Lobster.  “The photos came out great, I love the one where the fat guy pretends he’s eating it.  And the one where the fat assed whore shoves the fish into her cleavage.   Awesome tits.”  We asked if he feared the animal could go extinct if more lunatics repeat the process.  “For sure, for sure.  I mean how many fish are left? Compared to how many cell phones, the fish don’t stand a chance.”  We reminded him that a dolphin was not a fish, but he continued.  “The end result for me is more paperwork.  Every time one of these fishes goes extinct, I have to file paperwork with the Endangered Species Dept.  I’ve already written this one up as there aren’t many left, and beach season in Argentina is just heating up.”  He showed us a form, listing the  Franciscan Dolphin as Extinct.  Under ‘reason for’ he crossed off the words hunted down, died off due do to climate, and man made catastrophe and wrote “Selfies.”


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