The NFL, never one to waver with its favorite teams such as the all time biggest cheaters, (*see list of most fined teams) -the Denver Broncos, will head up an investigation to see just what happened yesterday on the field vs. the Patriots.
“First of all,” said an NFL official named James Pattersonlin, who asked to not be identified by name so we added an lin to the end of his name, “the rules state that a player can not pull on the jersey of another player or inhibit him from jumping. Video evidence clearly shows Aqib Akmar Muhammad Talib doing this on the jump ball play. As this is a violation of rules, we are confiscating all the cell phones of the players in the secondary and taking this to a Federal Court house. There were also two hits to the heads of Patriots receivers. As this is also a violation of the rules, we have set up a surveillance team to follow Gary Kubiak around for a week to obtain DNA and any other incriminating evidence. As for the tablets on the Patriots sidelines not working, we have audio from the Patriots coaches who were screaming, ‘This is shit!’ We are now reviewing security tapes to see if in fact, someone from the Broncos staff shit on the tablets prior to the game, which would certainly gum up the works on such a device.”