Week one of the NFL playoffs is approaching, and several teams are busy firing coaches and covering up evidence of HGH use. Here are a list of several teams that did not make the playoffs and their chances for making the playoffs.
Jacksonville: Jacksonville did not win enough games to qualify, but holds out hope that several team planes crash this weekend, so they can fill in.
Tennessee Titans.: The Titans blew it out the ass this year, but they also are in contact with Isis, hoping to convince the group to carpet bomb several front offices, thereby opening a hole for their team to play a playoff game.
New Orleans Saints: The Saints are busy trying to trade their coach, thinking they hold a pawn similar to the one the Jets had years ago when they traded Bill Belichick to the Patriots. Of course the difference is Sean Payton is no Bill Belichick. Sean Payton is not even a better coach than Bill’s son, the surfer looking pot smoker who runs up and down the sidelines with wires and headphones wrapped around his torso. The Saints could play this weekend if someone poisons the water supply at the Carolina Panthers facility, and then does the same thing at the Falcons facility and the Buccaneers. Stay tuned, this team committed bounty gate, the worst atrocity to a fellow man since the Holocaust; the Saints are not above killing people for football games.
Dallas Cowboys: the Cowboys can still make the playoffs, they just need all the above to happen, and then a few more massive catastrophic events to occur to other teams, leading the NFL to tap QB Kellen Moore on the shoulder and say, “Go show America how to throw interceptions.” Moore threw so many picks towards the close of the season, team doctors ran tests on him to determine if perhaps he was actually a righty. At this point it doesn’t seem to matter, one doctor is trying to teach him to fling the ball with his cock, that has not been entirely successful either.