Day after day you end up having to do the same old shit; we here at the Beantown Beatdown have come up with five life hacks that will forever Change your life.
1.Instead of scraping ice off your car window do this instead:
Purchase a house with an attached garage. This is handy in the winter as you don’t have to worry about snow or ice. And as a bonus you can run the car in the garage to commit suicide when you’re trying to do # 2 on this list.
2. Instead of fumbling with fitted sheets, do this instead:
Burn your house down. More people commit suicide over fitted sheets than any other problem facing society.
3. Instead of divorcing your wife and leaving your kid torn forever between the two of you do this instead….
Move to Florida, where she will either be raped or murdered or both… FACT: Florida sucks balls.
4. Cable and Internet are for rich people, here’s how to get around it:
Log in to a wifi hotspot, or just ask your neighbor questions like: where they went to school, or their least favorite car. Then guess their password.
Find out which one of your relatives has the best cable package and ask for their info so you can log in and stream shit fo’ free.
5. Buy regular milk instead of milk in a sunblock container.
Your milk really shouldn’t see the sun if you have a properly working refrigerator in your house. You can save upwards of 25¢ per gallon as long as you do in fact have a refrigerator. If for some reason you want to take a gallon of milk to the beach in August than by all means shell out the extra quarter.