NFL weekly roundup 

Another crazy week in the NFL leaves us with many questions.

  1.  Can the Panthers run the table?  Quick answer, no.  When your quarterback spends at least 30 minutes a week rehearsing an end zone dance routine, it ain’t gonna happen.  They also have no weapons, injuries are coming, and they have tough games ahead.
  2. Now that Justin Forsett is done for the year, will the Ravens give Ray Rice a chance to come back?  I say no, Ray doesn’t yet fit the profile the Ravens are looking for.  He needs to commit a few other violent offenses, murder would be a good start -(  see Wikipedia, Ray Lewis) before they bring his felonious ways back into the fold.
  3. Are the Jets the dumbest team in the league?  Absolutely.  They spend a fortune on Darelle Revis despite having other holes to fill.  Quick history lesson, when the Patriots let a guy go, there is a good reason.  All the Jets need to do is look down the end of their bench for proof, Exhibit A – Stevan Ridley.  This past Sunday Mr. Ridley carried 4 times for zero yards.  I was sitting on my couch all afternoon eating cheese doodles and farting into an afghan, and I somehow tied the bastard for yards per carry.  As for Revis, he gets torched every time he faces a quality receiver.  The Jets wasted their money.
  4. Are the Falcons choking?  The Falcons were at home, off a bye, facing a backup QB who is coached by a man who invented the worst trick play in NFL history.  Yes, they choked.  To the Falcons credit, they were ready for the fake punt play, and had every angle sealed off on punts.  Unfortunately, they forgot to focus on all the other shit it takes to win a game.   Last season the Falcons were fined for pumping fake crowd noise into the stadium.  Now we know why they did it; to drown out the noise of their self induced vomiting.  click here to listen to the Falcons sideline in the third quarter.
  5. Can the Cowboys make the playoffs?  Yes, their division is so piss poor, the winner of the division will make the playoffs and secure a top five pick in the 2016 NFL draft.  The Eagles blow, the Redskins and Giants are up and down, Dallas can and probably will win out.
  6. Dumb ass call of the week.  In the Buffalo New England game, one of the officials blew his whistle by accident.  The play stopped, negating a possible touchdown.  I have been watching NFL thugs play for decades, this has never happened before.   It will with all certainty never happen again. The NFL first reported that the whistle ‘self blew,’ from possibly the wind blowing into the holes or a player’s saliva flying out of his face mask and onto the whistle.  “The whistle sound was wet, so we are taking DNA samples and investigating,” said Dean Blandino, NFL head of operations.  Several opposing coaches logged complaints that the Patriots are always hocking lungis on the whistles when the refs aren’t looking.  When scientists debunked this theory as absurd, the NFL confiscated all the cell phones of the Patriots players, and are sorting through texts for words like whistle, spit, ref, cheat, FUCK GOODELL and loogi.  Tom Brady was unable to hand over his phone, having run over it in the parking lot before the game.

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