Edelman to play this week?

 

New England Patriots WR Julian Edelman broke his foot Sunday in the game vs the New York Giants.  Reports have him sidelined for an extensive period of time, but Julian thought otherwise as we caught him heading into surgery.  “I am going  into surgery now,” he said from his gurney at Boston Medical Center.  “I’ll resume running in the morning, then begin a karate regimen later on in the week.  I’ll play Sunday.” We assumed Edelman was just yapping due to the pain killers he had ingested, but the doctor said otherwise.  “Julian is unlike any patient we have ever had here,” stated Dr. Mirham Rahimi, the surgeon on call.  “He’s fucked up in the head.  He actually enjoys pain. He brought his helmet with him and we obliged him by taking turns beating him about the cranium until he wasn’t able to correctly state what day it was.  He had an orgasm during this procedure.  He also refused to take the pain killers till we convinced him that the toxins from the medicine would get inside his body and eat the shit out of his liver. He loved the sound of that.  He requested if  he could stay awake during the surgery and if we didn’t mind him doing 500 sit ups while we operated.  We even found a catheter up his ass that he had inserted while we were on break.  It was double knotted around his colon.  Who does that?”

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