Jason Paul Pierre attempting to do the impossible?

Jason Paul Pierre, the N.Y. Giants defensive end who lost a finger in a fireworks incident over the summer, was attempting to do something no man in NFL history has even done.  Bring down God, otherwise known as Tom Brady, with one hand.  We spoke to Physiologist Tom Brillkens who had this to say.  Jason will find it very difficult to play with his condition.  The game moves so fast, I just don’t see how he can do it.”  We asked if one finger really meant that much to a football player.  “I’m not talking about that condition, I’m referring to trying to play the game of football when the incident proves he’s a complete idiot. Most people see fire and run.  Jason’s brain is so much slower, he goes toward the fire, in fact he actually makes the fire, holds onto it, all this despite everyone yelling ‘what the fuck are you doing?’,  and only when there is an explosion and parts of his body are flying around does he run.  It’s utter stupidity.  I knew Brady would have a field day with this guy on the field.”   We were more interested in the playing football with less fingers angle, so we pressed Tom on this factor.  “We looked into that as well.  We ran a test last week.  We grabbed about five guys off the street, paid them a few bucks to take part in our experiment; whereupon we attached sticks of dynamite to their genitals, toes and fingers.  Then we ran them through a series of football like drills; we tackled them, kicked them, dove on top of them, shoved their bloody missing digits into the space in their helmets.  Overall, they did not perform very well.  The scientists I work with are horrible athletes, but we won that game going away.”


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