In the Minnesota Vikings game this past Sunday fans hoping for autographs held out footballs as Adrian Peterson came out of the tunnel. One fan held out his son. When asked why, he replied, “The boy was acting up, so I wanted Adrian to administer an old fashioned beat down.” Fans in Dallas caught wind of the story, and held out their wives as Greg Hardy made his way out to the field. Hardy did not comply, as his wrists were sore from a late night of choking out female victims in his apartment.
Peyton Manning found the Indianapolis Dome to be a little too frigid for his liking. His fingertips do not respond well to the cold, as he loses feeling in those extremities. In the third quarter he can be heard on a TV mike asking the ball boy, “We got any Nerfs in the bag?”
Intelligence tests performed on Rex Ryan have concluded that he is officially mentally retarded.
And lastly, Teddy Bridgewater and the Vikings are whining because Teddy got concussed after going into a slide after a short run. Head coach Mike Zimmer called it a cheap shot. A woozy Bridgewater had this to say when asked if he knew what day it was …..,”Bananas are yellow.” He was promptly shown a calendar and asked to point to the day of the week; he responded not with a verbal response, but rather by whipping his junk out on the bench and pleasuring himself to Miss November.