Dear Beantown, October 15 2015

We get asked a lot of questions, usually from the prosecution, but here are some reader questions we answered.


Dear Beantown,

I think my girlfriend may be cheating on me what should I do.

Matt B.

United States

First off, if this is Matt Barnes can you please stop writing us? We get it you’re lonely, but Jesus man, leave us alone thanks.

If this is not Matt Barnes, then I would suggest finding out where that two timing whore is and picking a fight with her new lover.

Dear Beantown,

Can you get AIDS from kissing or is that just cancer?

Justin K.

Andover Ma.

I’m pretty sure you don’t get cancer from kissing, whoever told you otherwise is a dick. Since none of our staff members have made out with Magic Johnson we aren’t too sure about AIDS.

Dear Beantown,

I was wondering can I visit your office and what does it look like?

Candice L.

Miami FL.

Our office is located at the Suffolk County Jail. Visiting hours depend on behavior. You sound wicked hot though can you send us nudes?? If you plan on visiting please wear something hot, there’s a broom closet that we pay guards to let us use for this type of thing.

Got a question? Email it to


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