Dear, Beantown: October 5th

We get asked a lot of questions, mainly by the police. Here are some readers’ questions we’ve answered.

Dear Beantown,

I see that your blog description says you cover sports. My question is, why don’t I see any articles about NASCAR?

Cliff, Rochester NH.

Well Cliff, you see NASCAR isn’t  really a sport, it’s just a bunch of people stuck in a rotary. If you were to live in Massachusetts you would see a NASCAR race twice a day everyday; the first one goes from 7:30am to 9:00am and the second race is held between 4:30pm and 6:00pm Monday-Friday. But since you live in New Hampshire we would assume you don’t know what “commuting to work” means.

Dear Beantown,

What do you think is worse, having to use a Porta Potty or hepatitis?

Andrea, Fall River Massachusetts.

This is a tricky one, using a Porta Potty sucks, but so does hepatitis, on the other hand, if you use a Porta Potty you might get hepatitis. We recommend just shitting your pants, unless you already have hepatitis in which case use the Porta Potty.

Dear Beantown,

I was on the receiving end of a blumpkin the other day from a woman with whom I work.  Should I send her a thank you note or some flowers?

Steve, Quincy Massachusetts

A woman who provides oral sex to a man in the midst of shitting out his bowels is not looking for Hallmark gibberish or plants that will curl up and die in three days.  Wait till she enters the ladies room stall, then drop down through a ceiling tile onto her lap and wolf down her honey pot like it’s the last meal on earth.

Do you have a question you’d like to ask us? Send it with your name and where you’re from to:


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