Famous prizefighter Muhammad Ali, considered by some to be the greatest of all time, is mulling a return to the ring. Most recently the fighter has been more well-known as the poster boy for Parkinson’s disease, so this comes as a shock to the sporting world.
Ali’s former ring hand Prince Mubullah had this to say. “We’ve been noticing the Parks is getting worse with Ali, what with his shaking and all, but then one day, he pissed me off over something, so I went to slug him, and wouldn’t you know he ducked that shit! Not he, the Parks, the Parks was what ducked that shit. His disease is one good defensive fighter, I’ll tell ya man. I was so mad I took my foot and booted him in the nuts, and the Parks did a hip wiggle that I’d give my left nut to have, and I barely grazed his penis with the kick.”
We inquired how Ali’s offense was, since you can’t just run around the ring shaking off punches with a life threatening disease; a fighter needs to score points. Prince continued, “We working on dat shit. Right now we just focusing more on defense like you be saying, but he can still hit. After my kick missed, I tackled the old bat and thrashed him real good, but he hit me some too and I felt his power.”
We asked what good it would do to beat up a diseased old man. “You kidding me right? The more I hit him, the more he shakes. He’ll be untouchable by the time I done wit’ him.” We closed by asking Prince what type of PPV numbers he thought the fight would generate, and he obviously wasn’t clued in to what PPV stood for as he replied, “One. I think we gotta start out slow. One at a time. One Parkinson’s Patient Victory is what we want in this fight. Long live Parks,” he shouted as he walked away, but not before giving me a shimmy shake.