Mark Chesling of Malden had a serious ass case of the yips over the summer, shanking several drives into neighboring houses yards, and putting so poorly, geriatrics were behind him screaming , “Just pick it up and go to the next hole.” Chesling came up with a plan however.
We caught up to him on the 7th hole at Mount Hood. “Given all the racial tensions in our country, I figured out how I could cure my yips. I hired Jerome here,” he said, as he pointed to his 6 foot 4 inch caddie. “The hire itself is a nice gesture to the black community, but what really comes in handy is his posse. Let me illustrate,” said Mark, as he lined up a ten foot putt from an uphill lie.
“Normally, I’d be nervous as hell about this putt, wondering if I should over hit it, run it left; all the normal things that a golfer worries about. But now watch,” he said as he got to it. As Mark leaned over the shot, Jerome let out a loud whistle and several thugs came running out of the woods brandishing weapons.
“They’re coming for you boss,” said Jerome to Mark. Mark peered up at me and said, “What’s to worry about a measly ten foot putt when you’re about to get gang raped?” Amazingly he gently rolled the ball into the hole. At this point we understood what he was saying, however it would have made more sense to repeat this 18 times instead of Jerome’s crew actually following up on their threats and pummeling Mark on the 7th green.
We asked him if he took these beatings once every green. “No,” he replied, are you crazy? Not every green, every putt!” As he took it up the ass in full view of hordes of golfers, we questioned whether it was better to have the yips or possibly contract Aids.