Revere mother poisons son with office supplies

Betty Syndrome, a local idiot from Revere Ma and mother of three, inadvertently killed her son on Tuesday by forcing him to consume poison. Betty was making lunches for school, she told us as she balled her eyes out like a big baby, and ran out of Marshmallow Fluff. “Ricky always whines when he doesn’t get a good two inches of fluff, said Betty, now completely despondent and reaching for a knife to slit her wrist. We passed her the instrument after running it thru the sharpener and continued our interview. We asked what led to the poisoning. “He was whining and crying,” she moaned, “and wouldn’t stop.” Probably gets it from his mother, we were quick to point out. “So I grabbed a small bottle of white out, and poured that on top of his peanut butter, then placed a piece of bread on top of it and sent him off to school. I didn’t think it would kill him,” she moaned. It was a mistake.” Yes, we pointed out, but you did the right thing, white out is what you use when you make mistakes.

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