Eric Mold, an expert on dust mites, has discovered new information on the creatures in his lab located in the South End of Boston. “I was looking at the dust mites on my pillow with a compound microscope, which I have been using for years. Then I stole.. .I mean, was granted the use of a scanning electron microscope from MIT, and I was able to see much more clearly what is going on with this magnificent species. Not only are they crawling around in our beds and burrowing into the scales of our skin,” said Eric, as the staff and I began to get the skeeves, “they are also taking hourly shits on us too.”
Eric smiled, as if he had somehow just broken good news to his listeners. “And do you know what those shits do?” asked Eric as I vomited into a nearby bucket. “They make these dust mites horny as hell, which result in these creatures having orgies on your skin, right on top of the fresh feces that they just laid. An orgasmic, shit spattered, sopping wet ball of ejaculatory waste right on your sleeping bod. After further analysis through the microscope,I noticed that the ejaculatory matter was made up of micro dust mites who in turn shit and fuck, which then breeds even smaller dust mites and this process continues all the way down to the molecular level where I was able to witness a proton fuck an electron and the process started all over again!! Now if that doesn’t have you running for the covers, I don’t think anything will!” said Eric as he plopped his head on the pillow and curled up for an afternoon nap.