Local man saves big on cable

Lynn Massachusetts – Local car thief and all around shyster, Johnny O’Shea, has saved himself the trouble of having to fork over $300 a month to Comcast. We spoke to O’Shea at his Beacon Hill Ave. residence.

“Listen up,” he said, as he was prying the locks on his neighbors Toyota. “First off, you guys ain’t cops right?” Palaver pointed to SpEcIaL eD and said, “He’s pushing 400 pounds, aside from eating donuts does he look like a cop?” O’Shea seemed pleased by the response and said, “Yeah that fat fuck wouldn’t be able to catch an old bat on one of them motorized wheelchair things.”

SpEcIaL eD asked “Okay I get it, but what we want to know is how you are getting free cable; how is it you cut Comcast out of the loop? I think everyone wants free cable, but you managed to actually get it.”  O’Shea said, “Follow me boys,” and headed to the side of his house.

“You see those wires coming off the telephone poles and onto my house?” We nodded yeah, “Okay now pay attention, fuck those wires, do you see the wires coming off the telephone pole on my neighbors house?” Again we nodded yeah, “Okay so here’s how you do it,” he said, “first dig a trench from your neighbor’s house to yours, then as soon as those fuckers leave for work, connect a splitter to their cable and run the cable into the trench, and hook it up to your house, easy peezy.”

Palaver then asked the follow up question, “Yeah, but what about HBO ‘n shit?”

O’Shea simply said, “Oh they got that.” Then he said, “Hey fellas, I gotta take a wicked piss, why don’t you take a look and see if you can find the trench?” We nodded and started our search, and about two minutes in we turned to see O’Shea driving off in our ice cream truck shouting, “Ha, you stupid fucks, I’m a world class car thief, not a cable installer!”

Related: Beantown Beatdown looking for new vehicle.

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