Geno Smith had ass ripped open yesterday


NY Jet QB Geno Smith had surgery on his broken jaw late yesterday afternoon. “It’s minor surgery,” said Frank Bemoth, a surgeon at the hospital. “We take his jaw out, pass it around the room so everyone can hold it up to their mouth and take turns pretending they’re Geno and getting punched out. We have a lot of laughs. Then we put the jaw back in, covered in people’s germs, wire it shut and we’re pretty much done. He’s probably not too happy about it, but hey, what’s he gonna do, yell at us??? But then things got a little dicey.”

We discovered that the Jets front office made a request to Doctor Bemoth that he had never encountered before. “Essentially what they asked me was, since we have him under sedation and we are working on him, could we possibly do some other shit to him since he sucks?” “Such as?” we inquired. “Well, for example, perform Tommy John on him, so we could strengthen his arm, cuz he does throw like a pussy. And then add a third testicle to his nutsack so he’s not so chicken shit in the pocket, pissing his fucking pants every time anyone gets near him. He has two testicles but they are smaaaaaallllll; I’m talking jelly bean sized little puds. It explains a lot if you watch him play. Then they asked if we could slit this knees open and tighten up his tendons so he could run faster. And lastly, they asked us to do a nose job and an ear lift, cuz the guy looks like a big, floppy eared buffoon on TV. Oh, and his ass stinks in the locker room too, so a request was put in to block up the odors pouring out of his sphincter.” Did you honor any of the requests?” we asked. “Essentially that goes against every oath we take as medical professionals, but then the Jets waved a whole pile of cash at us, so my team and I sliced and diced him from head to toe. We’re going to the Super Bowl, I’m telling ya!”

Ironically Mr Smith’s insurance co-pay is $600.


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