Possible pedophile pummeled by police

Man with poor naming skills beaten by police


Morris Chasen was dragged off his boat in the Boston Harbor yesterday and thrashed by police until he was virtually unconscious.

Morris’s boat, which he christened ‘Chasen Kids’, a play on the fact that he takes his grandchildren on boat rides in the harbor, was assumed by police to mean that Morris has been ‘chasin’ kids, then knocking them out and raping them on his boat.

Officer Crystal has this to say. “Fuck him, you put that language on your boat, you become a target. I know he’s gay, he had like six rods on the boat and a device that can shoot a beam into a kid’s cornhole and tell you how deep it is. Morris told us it was a ‘fish finder.’ These pedophiles have an answer for everything.

His DNA was all over that boat. His fingerprints are on every fucking part of the boat.” We explained that any boat owner’s DNA would be all over his boat, but before he could reply, another incident occurred. While the police were dragging the bloodied Chasen to the squad car, his nephew pulled up in a BMW with a vanity plate that read MOLSTR.

He later explained from his hospital gurney that it stands for Montana Lone Star, but given all the tubes running in and out of his ass, it appears the police weren’t going for that story either.


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