Boston Bruins make some drastic trades

Beantown Beatdown

The Boston Bruins have made three interesting trades today. The team is coming off of its worst season in years, where they failed to make the postseason. Here are the trades that were conducted today:

Milan Lucic – Traded to LA Kings for Goalie Martin Jones, Colin Jones, three CCM hockey sticks, and two Styrofoam souvenir fingers. The Bruins wanted to trade Lucic for as many Jones’s as they could get, and since the only teams with three or more Jones play in the NBA, the Kings made the most sense.

Dougie Hamilton – Traded to the Calgary Flames for three draft picks and an autograph of Willie Nelson. The Bruins, knowing that they tend to suck at drafting, (For examples, Google the words ‘Bruins-draft picks’) want to increase their odds of not screwing up by obtaining as many picks as they can. When asked what they are looking for in this years draft, GM Don Sweeney said, “Guys named Jones.”

Carl Soderberg – Allowed to walk so he could sign with the Colorado Avalanche. The money saved will be used to purchase lifts for diminutive GM Don Sweeney’s shoes, and two pounds of premium weed. When asked who in the front office smokes weed, a red eyed, cotton mouthed Sweeney replied, “I drive a truck! It’s red.”

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