New England Patriots Worst of All Time List

Beantown Beantown

On the heels of NBC Sports Tom Curran’s list of the top Patriots of all time, the Beantown Beatdown announces its list of the worst members of the
Patriots.

Ken Walters. Granted a punter is not actually a football player, but Ken sucked some serious ass when he was a Patriot. Not only did he have two punts blocked, he consistently shanked the ball and had the leg whip strength of a severely crippled deer. A punter on the Patriots isn’t even called on to do his job that often, but when Ken’s number was called, you could bet the house the field position change was going to be so tiny, the camera man could literally leave his machine running, go take a steaming piss in the shithole Foxborough urinals, and the viewer would be no worse for wear after a 25 yard Walters skeet shot.

Hart Lee Dykes. Hartless was a high draft choice by the Pats, but the team quickly learned that this yellow livered coward was about as likely to go across the middle as George Clooney was likely to tap an acne-ridden fat assed broad from behind. A fellow teammate has this to say,”Hart Lee was
stupid man. He’d ask questions in the huddle like, “What? Me again? Why I always gotta be getting the ball, throw dat shit to someone else. Leave Hart Lee alone.”

Matthew Mulligan. This clod came out of the University of Maine and ended up in the NFL. Need we say more?

Tony Eason. Tony ruined every Super Bowl party in New England the night the Patriots took on the Bears in 1985. The game was over in about one quarter, the remaining three were played for the purposes of determining whether Tony would opt for a sex change operation.

Pete Carroll, Pete’s tenure in New England was noted for one thing, a yearly decline from the pervious season. The final season Pete garnered a talented squad to a total of six wins in a piss shit division. Pete’s calling card was to incite the squad with loud whoops, and urges to get “jacked and pumped.” Strategy wise he was anemic. A sideline conversation between Pete and one of his players once went like this. Player : “Coach they’re in a double zone, we should drop the receivers into the slot and send an RB into the hole, we can gash them.” To which Pete replied, “Whooooo! Yeahhhh, go get em Tiger, who done got that football? Who gonna get the ball, we gonna! We gonna! Alllll jacked and pumped!!”

Drew Bledsoe. The Beantown staff believes any list should have a shocker and so we’re going with Drew here. Overall his career was stellar, but the end in New England was so bad, we’re giving Drew the trophy. His final season the team quit on the guy, and all we heard was, “He’s still really good, you just have to protect him.” Oh, so if he drops back and doesn’t have to deal with those what do you call ems, the.um.. opponents, then he’s able to do all the shit he used to be able to? That’s like saying, “He’s a good running back.. if you shoot his ass up full of steroids, then open up massive holes and point his body directly towards them.” A former teammate
of Drew’s had this to say. “Towards the end he sucked. I saw him the in shower after the final game, and I’m not saying he had female genital-nalia stuff, but his dick was the most piss -flipperish, gushy thing I’ve ever seen. This darn thing was a clam with a nub. It explained a lot.”

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