Is Crystal Pepsi coming back?

Pepsi Cola has hinted that it may be bringing back its gigantic failure from twenty years ago.

Those of you who don’t remember Crystal Pepsi won’t remember that it had a unique taste that most Americans didn’t like. It appears that Pepsi is hoping to draw in the much coveted “Nostalgia” crowd in an effort to boost sales. If we are bringing shit back that we never really wanted then why not bring back these items as well?

PlaySkool’s “Big Bag O’Glass.” This great product was marketed for kids aged 2-6 it was a nylon sack with shards of glass it promised “hours of shaking fun” but was quickly pulled off the market over safety concerns.

Fisher-Price’s “Dr. Me X-Ray Machine.” Another product that failed to achieve its true potential, who can forget the commercials for this one with its catchy tune “Who’s that Dr.? Can you see? It’s little old Dr. Me.” This product has a high rate of cancer related fatalities and was quickly pulled.

Mattel’s “Bitch I ain’t playing wit you Barbie.” What a disaster this one was, it was a talking Barbie that had numerous accessories, including a switch blade, a baby, and bandanas. Other items you could purchase separately were “You are not the Father Ken” and a temporary tattoo set that included “Gunshot wounds” and “C-Section scars” for both you and the Barbie.

Drake Cakes “Cranked Cupcakes.” This item was pulled by the DEA and FDA after it was found to contain crystal meth. These were extremely popular as a snack among white people with no teeth from the midwest.

Febreeze “Special Scents Collection” epic failure, this line included the scents “Cat piss Potpourri”, “Foot and Ass Aromatic” and, “Who Cooked Indian Food?”

Crystal Pepsi
Crystal Pepsi

Editor’s note: this list contains products that never existed


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