NBA Finals and Stanley Cup Predictions

The Beantown Beatdown is making three bold sports predictions this weekend.

American Pharaoh will win the Belmont in an easy race. In fact, its lead is going to be large enough that the horse may stop on the final turn to eat some grass and unleash bucketfuls of shit upon the NY track. American Pharaoh is a beast of a horse, but enough of the talk about what a great winner this horse is.

Winning and losing are human concepts; animals have no clue about any of these things. For example, kangaroos have been known to throw some solid punches. If I were to cold cock a baby kangaroo a few days after its birth, do you think his first thought when he came to would be, “Shit, I’m 0-1.”

When armies go to battle and soldiers are shot off their mounts, one would assume, since horses understand winning and all the other strategic nonsense we humans deem important, that the horse would quickly race to the nearest living soldier thereby suggesting he be the new rider. But historians have noted that instead of doing that, horses simply walk over to the nearest river or lake and begin sucking down vast amounts of liquid beverages, while bombs blow up around their asses and screaming soldiers with bloody stumps and heads partially on fire race about screaming, “Can someone or something get me the fuck out of here??” A horse is no more useful than a teenage son; good for an occasional car ride, but when the shit hits the fan, and you need it the most, it’s the most selfish creature on the planet.

As for the hockey finals, Chicago is going to prevail in 6 games. Their goaltender is the only one keeping this series from being a sweep. We at the Beatdown have always said GM’s acquire talent that matches the style they played. Hire Larry Bird, you will see your roster filled with good passers who see the court and play tough. The Bruins have a lot of big bruising type players, similar to Cam Neely, and some stiffs who can’t skate, similar to ousted GM Peter Chiarelli, who stepped on a sheet of ice once in his life while wearing dress shoes. Stevie Yzerman has formed a small quick team in Tampa, with players that play like Stevie Y did in Detroit. But they are still one or two stars away from winning it all.

In the NBA, Lebron can only do so much. He can carry that team over offensively dull teams like Chicago and starless ones like Atlanta, but Golden State can play too many styles and can defend all areas of the court, they will win in 6 games.


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