George Plageris of South Boston is excited to announce the grand opening of his new chain of restaurants.
“We are opening four burger joints right here in Boston; the name is going to be McDonald Hamburgers.” We asked George if he thought McDonald was cutting it too close, since the major chain already in existence around the country is McDonald’s. “Never heard of them,” replied George, who recently changed his legal name to Ray Kroc. “Besides, we do our own thing here, we don’t need to steal from anybody,” said the former owner of three restaurants, Kentucky Fried Poultry, which went bankrupt in less than four hours, Dunking Donuts, which is extremely profitable due to the fact that the G on the sign has been knocked out of commission; and another eatery titled Five Guys, Burgers and a French Fry, which is currently in litigation at Boston Federal Court.
We also pointed out to George the similarity of the signs he plans to use compared with the famous Golden Arches of McDonald’s. George replied, “I see them as different, and again I have never heard of them to begin with. Their sign, which I have never seen, is clearly an ass, like if a person was laying on his stomach and you were peering at it from the rear; it’s two butt cheeks; ours is an M, it’s a play on the name of the store.” We noted the difference, but inquired of George how with less than two days left before the store’s open, he could possibly have served billions and billions?
“Maybe my math is off a little,” stated George, “but we expect to hit those numbers really soon; lot of fat bastards out there want to eat this shit.” We noted other similarities such as the logo and the use of mascots. George defended his store. “They have a hamburglar who goes around stealing burgers. We have the McRapist. He is not a thief. His job is to stalk the playground dressed up in a pickle outfit. The kids love it.”