Local man has run in with the law

Local man Ned Hammon has gotten his pickle in the jar.

On a chilly spring day, local fat fuck Ned Hammon was dropping his young child of at school. When Ned bent down to tie his shoes, it happened. “I was getting the kid going, and running around and shit then I needed to tie my stupid shoe.” Ned explained, “The sound was deafening, like a cross between a shotgun going off and someone’s pride being sucked from their soul at the same time.” What Ned is describing is an incident in which his pants ripped, but not only did they rip they tore in the worst spot possible, the ball sack. ” one minute I’m dropping my kid off, next the balls blew right outta my pants.” And the onlookers noticed too . Resident nosey bitch Karen Hatch was dropping off her daughter when the incident occurred ” I was completely taken aback” Karen said,” I looked up and his hairy man parts were just dangling out where they don’t belong.” As per her usual protocol Karen called the police. Officers arrived on the scene and took poor old fat Ned into custody for indecent exposure, endangering the welfare of a child, and public lewdness. Ned has proclaimed his innocence and plans on fighting the charges and is considering suing Lee jeans for not making a size 10XL.

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